How to Bravely Poop in Public While on Vacation

My precious daughter is a beautiful and kind 9-year-old. This gentle young soul would never do anything to hurt or dismay another person, which is an important point to remember as you follow this story. She is also quite shy and reserved about personal body functions, and she will never admit to something simple and natural like a fart. As a matter of fact, I can feel the steely glare of disapproval from her that I am even writing this story, even though she has yet to see it. Before I tell you about my daughter, let me tell you about me, then you will notice why my daughter is my pooping hero. 

Growing up, I was raised to believe that a proper woman never poops or farts in public. Do what you must to hold it back but never let it out; my mom even explained the art of clinching the cheeks to prevent slippage. It was a different story at home as long we didn’t have guests over. It was free range to let out all our bodily functions freely, as long as you did not talk about it. My family was the best at pretending they never smelled or heard anything. Rules were different for the boys, who were allowed freely to let the loudest stinky farts known to man in public. They exhibited the snarky smile with pride at what they just accomplished. 

Then one day, I met a man who had no problem with anything around natural body functions. He was astounded when he realized my shyness in that area. Not that he finds our son’s intentional farts in public for shock value funny, he did install in our kids that they should never hold back any “natural body functions” at home because, Afterall, they were natural. That is something he installed in both of our kids. Although like all people they will laugh when a large fart rips out accidentally and take great pride in showing everyone how large their poops really get. Mostly they look at it as something that everyone does and doesn’t really worry about pooping in public.

Because my daughter being both female and my bathroom buddy, I have got to witness firsthand her incredible braveness in pooping in public. To the point, it seems like she is begging to make pooping in public something more accepted by females all over the world. She singlehandedly managed to poop in some of the most iconic landmarks in the world, and by the look of it, she has no plans to stop which is something I admire about her and hope to be able to do so bravely one day.

I remember when we went to Paris, we went to the top of the Eifel tower. Just before we went to the top, I took her to a large public bathroom, where she calmly peed while singing her favorite song. After washing her hands excitedly proclaimed her excitement at riding the elevator to the top. Just as we got off the elevator, she suddenly had to go poop, and it was not going to wait. I stood outside her stall as she relieved herself while still singing her song, in-between audible grunts, pushing out any hesitant stool. Several women came and left when they smelled what was happening; others choose to glare at me and continue using the bathroom.

She did it again at the Arc De Triomphe, different song, and the same actions. What was so “fun” about this event was it was a small bathroom, with no air movement, that was more like a rock cave than actually a bathroom. Not to mention that it was really crowded, a line of more than 20 women was formed outside the door, which never closed for some reason. The noise in the bathroom actually echoed way outside the bathroom boundaries. I held my daughter’s hand as she smiled in pride at the poop she had just done, I was just glad the toilet flushed.

This happened again and again all over Paris, so much it became a running joke between my husband and myself, as she gloriously pooped in every famous landmark in Paris that we visited. A year later our vacation was through a couple of national parks in Central California, and as true as ever my daughter was not shy about doing whatever needed to be done in whatever bathroom was available, while I stood guard outside her stall still clenching my cheeks.

When Covid hit, we were really not able to travel as we used to for a couple of years. This year was our first real trip, a long two-week driving trip through many popular and crowded national parks. In my sweet girl’s defense, she did get a stomach “thing” which did make her stomach more active than normal. But being who she is, she triumphally and freely pooped and sang through each national park and two national monuments while I still held my cheeks firmly together assuring myself that I would not poop in a public bathroom.

One day on the trip, my need to poop was becoming rather urgent. I looked everywhere for a “private” bathroom attempting to avoid any perceived reticule if I went in a public bathroom. When I could not find such a toilet, I became irritated. My sweet bathroom buddy seemed confused by my determination to find this private commode when a nice big public bathroom was just mere steps away and seemed to only have a few people in it. I bent down next to her explaining my plight, which seemed to confuse her even more. She simply replied to me, “If you feel embarrassed about pooping in public, then just sing a song while you do it. One, it’s fun, and two, you only have to be embarrassed about singing in public, not the pooping.” 

Embracing my daughter’s example and bravery I did just as she said.  I went to the public bathroom and had a glorious poop, all while singing a random song out loud. Ok maybe not completely out loud, I sang quietly to myself, but it actually did help me not feel so self-conscious as I pushed and grunted my way to full stomach relief. 

Now I can’t say that I feel totally confident in pooping in public, but I can say that with the help of my daughter, I do feel braver. Just know if you ever go to a national park or famous monument and you hear singing and grunting out of two stalls it is probably me and my daughter doing what nature calls us to do, proudly.

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